One of the popular pieces of advice given to people who are trying to decide what to do, who to date/marry, where to live, what major to choose etc. is to “Just follow your heart.”  How wise is this counsel?

When someone advises another to do this, I believe they are basically saying, “Follow your feelings.”  Unfortunately, if you are like me, and many others I know, your feelings won’t often lead you to the best decision.  Something that “feels right” can be terribly wrong and lead to terrible consequences.

The capacity to remain objective by seeing things as they really are is called, “Reality Testing.” It is an EQ Quality present in high achievers.  It involves recognizing when emotions or personal bias may cause us  to be less objective (Student EQ Edge, 153). Someone strong in Reality Testing is constantly searching for objective evidence that will guide thoughts and perceptions.  They are able to read situations accurately, as they really are, vs how they wish or fear they would be. 

A family member of mine started to date a young man two years older than her when she was only sixteen.  He drank heavily and ran around with other girls while dating my family member. She was emotionally convinced she could change him and that she loved him and he loved her. She forsook her friends and didn’t listen to those close to her because her “feelings” told her he loved her and “love would conquer all.”  She eventually married the young man, against the advice of family and close friends. She was miserable for years as he continued his hurtful behavior.  Eventually they got a divorce.

Relationships are probably the area where we most see people not exercising good reality testing skills. People get so emotionally involved, they lose objectivity. But, we can do this in relationships with others at work, neighbors, friends and family. We can lose objectivity in assessing ourselves and our strengths and weaknesses.  We can lose objectivity in careers we choose, places we live etc.  Strong reality testing is necessary in all of life.  Seeing things as they really ARE is important in being a high achiever.

If you would like further insights and assistance in reality testing, check out the attached resource.